My hope

 writing this in ot, waiting patient for suction curettage case. 

today, i keep thinking about last night, last i bring anak anak to the sushi for the first time in their life, dine in there. I saw abang, nia and aqil were really happy to experience new things in their life, then i bring them to arched, they seems really enjoyed that. Abang of course playing racing car, basketball. Meanwhile nia and aqil playing almost all of the game. They really enjoyed that, me myself, happy to see them happy, but also sad at some part of me, i feel really sorry for my babies, they maybe wish they will be happier with their dad around, i m sorry babies, i cant make that happen anymore, i really cant. I know all of you are sad, really sad, i could see that trough your eye, i can see how's abang react with me, its seem a bit awkward, he didnt want to talk much with me as always, i missed him, really..

I miss abang the one call ibu for couple of time just for me to listen to his story, i miss abang that always find interesting in everything he saw. i miss nia that really caring and always "kewi" with ibu. i miss aqil that always clingy with me. sorry babies, look like there are some gap between us, not that ibu want it, but ibu not that strong to face your sad face, and ibu not strong anymore when i miss you guys when you are not home. 


i just hope one day, they understand why im choosing this path, not because im selfish, i just want me to be happy and you to be happy with me.

that seems quit hard for me to finally make it true, but i believe i will make you understand that.  I dont really have any choice more, im too tired of everything. sometime i just cry without everyone notice it. i will be smile again one day, i just hope that time my smile are sincerely from my heart.




the one that hope to much, 

umira

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