hate myself

Aku benci diri sendiri.

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hampir..^^

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lagi 2 bln saat tue akan tiba, dan 2 blan tue akan membawa ke 2 taun usia kami bersama tpi tiap hari adalah hari yg baru untuk aku. sllu rindukan dia, sgt syg dia. dan kdg2 bila dia alihkan pandangan dia dari aku aku msih rasa, xckupnye dia pndang aku.. andai aku diberi masak untuk bercerita, saat pling aku nk bercerita adalah pada 23.2.2010 peristiwa stesen bus..dan smuanye msa kami bersama. yg utuh hingga hari nie. byk gler susah senang aku lalui ngn dia. dan kdg2 aku ksian dia, msti dia xpenah idop sesusah ngn aku. tpi aku percaya dia happy dpt blajar byk bnda yg dia xde peluang pon untuk blajar smua tue. dan stiap hari dia smakin kuat, smakin matang tpi dia xpernah abaikan aku. sntiasa bersama ngn aku..dan aku sgt terharu..aku rasa aku sgt puas hati ngn apa aku miliki skrg dan aku hrap xkan hdir lgi org len yg gngu hbungan kami pasnie..^^
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jumaat yg indah^^

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semalam aku xbole tidow, idong sumbat. pukul 4 pgi baru leh tdow, tu pon setelah bapa cd's a love to kill aku tgk.hehehehe a quiet nite, hujan kat luar yg sejuk..lonely gler rasa. tpi xpe, aku tgk cita tue ngn penuh emosi tue.waa super hebat r rain blakon, jdi gler. a love not always meant to be together sbnarnye, & sometime a love will kill not specifically kill people, but it's kill u feeling, ur heart hurt a lot & kill ur believing. & i realize when i watch dat movie, life sometime it's not about u r going to live with someone u love..i mean by "special one", but live is about someone around u love u, someone around u dat appreciate u, & membuatkan aku teringat 1 nasihat org2 tua, pilih org yg cintakan kita, jgn pilih org yg kita cintakan, sbb org yg cintakan kita lebih appreciate kita dri org yg kita cintakan.^^. so i learn something a lot last nite.bia pon xde sifu.ehehehe.sometime, our brain nie could learn something yg terjadi dlm hdup kita,
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i need helps

I’ve been holding this feeling for so long, keep telling myself everything gonna be okay, keep telling myself one day I finally get out of that life that I just live because I need to. I just want everyone, every human in my life just to be okay, meanwhile, those feelings eat me up inside, I'm in pain, the pain gets worst every time I feel I’m not okay. The cry getting louder every time I cry, the feeling getting explode sometimes and I can't control, my kids saw me sometimes and they get scared, I’m not hurting anyone but I start trow things, smashing things, the last things I do before I get out of that house, I took a long knife and stab it on the bed over and over again. I’m so sorry my baby, I didn't want you to see any of that, but you feel pain, and ibu can't control that. The stress that ibu had was so much pain and if ibu could, ibu just want to stab my own heart so I could take away that pain. Sorry if ibu forget that all of you are around me and you get scare
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