hate myself

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hampir..^^

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lagi 2 bln saat tue akan tiba, dan 2 blan tue akan membawa ke 2 taun usia kami bersama tpi tiap hari adalah hari yg baru untuk aku. sllu rindukan dia, sgt syg dia. dan kdg2 bila dia alihkan pandangan dia dari aku aku msih rasa, xckupnye dia pndang aku.. andai aku diberi masak untuk bercerita, saat pling aku nk bercerita adalah pada 23.2.2010 peristiwa stesen bus..dan smuanye msa kami bersama. yg utuh hingga hari nie. byk gler susah senang aku lalui ngn dia. dan kdg2 aku ksian dia, msti dia xpenah idop sesusah ngn aku. tpi aku percaya dia happy dpt blajar byk bnda yg dia xde peluang pon untuk blajar smua tue. dan stiap hari dia smakin kuat, smakin matang tpi dia xpernah abaikan aku. sntiasa bersama ngn aku..dan aku sgt terharu..aku rasa aku sgt puas hati ngn apa aku miliki skrg dan aku hrap xkan hdir lgi org len yg gngu hbungan kami pasnie..^^
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My hope

 writing this in ot, waiting patient for suction curettage case.  today, i keep thinking about last night, last i bring anak anak to the sushi for the first time in their life, dine in there. I saw abang, nia and aqil were really happy to experience new things in their life, then i bring them to arched, they seems really enjoyed that. Abang of course playing racing car, basketball. Meanwhile nia and aqil playing almost all of the game. They really enjoyed that, me myself, happy to see them happy, but also sad at some part of me, i feel really sorry for my babies, they maybe wish they will be happier with their dad around, i m sorry babies, i cant make that happen anymore, i really cant. I know all of you are sad, really sad, i could see that trough your eye, i can see how's abang react with me, its seem a bit awkward, he didnt want to talk much with me as always, i missed him, really.. I miss abang the one call ibu for couple of time just for me to listen to his story, i miss ...
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5.11.2010 the Journey to the East

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pkul 3 pagi, kami btolak dari shah alam turun ke kuantan.  hari yg ckup gelap. berkabus.  btu sgt hapy, sejuk je sausana.  cuaca yg baik, tpi berkabus gler time tue.  da lama kami x gi jalan2 jauh cmnie.  so we decide cuti kali nie kami akan ke belah pantai timur plak.  sperti biasa, aku hanya co pilot, so relax je dicc dia.  dia yg drive.  kdg cian lak kat dia, asyik dia je drive jauh2 je, bila pkir2 xsabar lak nk amik lesen kete, bia leh gilir2 bila gi jauh2 nnti. cik blackina kesayangan jauh lgi perjalanan kami.. mr.patrick.ttp tersenyum. subuh 8.00 am.. kami tiba di kuantan.  having breakfast kat kdai mamak yg sgt comel, kcik je kdai dia. ada dlm 7 table, but sempurna bagi aku.  tuan punya kdai tue org pakistan kot.  so b order roti kosong 1, aku order 1, so aku ckp dua la.  tpi dia bagi ktaorg 3 biji.  misunderstanding..so xabis la jdinye..hehehehe.  then ktaorg ckp ngn sorg aunt nie,...
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